Mankind, especially womankind, suffers from many sicknesses. Up to now all the so-called civilizations and cultures have been psychologically sick. They have never dared even to recognize their sickness; and the first step of treatment is to recognize that you are sick. The relationship between man and woman has been especially unnatural.
A few facts have to be remembered. Firstly, man has the capacity for only one orgasm; woman has the capacity for multiple orgasms. This has created a tremendous problem. There would not have been any problem if marriage and monogamy had not been imposed on them; it seems it was not the intention of nature. The man becomes afraid of the woman for the simple reason that if he triggers one orgasm in her, then she is ready for at least half a dozen more orgasms — and he is incapable of satisfying her. The way that man has found is: don’t give the woman even one orgasm. Even take away from her the conception that she can have an orgasm.
Secondly, man’s sex is local, genital. The same is not the case with woman. Her sexuality, her sensuality is spread all over her body. It takes a longer time for her to warm up, and before she even gets warmed up, the man is finished. He turns his back towards her and starts snoring. For thousands of years, millions of women around the world have lived and died without knowing the greatest natural gift — of orgasmic joy. It was a protection for man’s ego. The woman needs a long foreplay so that her whole body starts tingling with sensuality, but then there is the danger — what to do with her capacity for multiple orgasm?
As far as biological reproduction is concerned, orgasm is not a necessity. But as far as spiritual growth is concerned, orgasm is a necessity. It is the orgasmic experience of bliss that has given humanity in the early days the idea of meditation, of looking for something better, more intense, more vital. Orgasm is nature’s indication that you contain within yourself a tremendous amount of blissfulness. It simply gives you a taste of it — then you can go on the search.
The orgasmic state, even the recognition of it, is a very recent thing. Just in this century, psychologists became aware of what problems women are facing. Through psychoanalysis and other psychological schools the conclusion was the same, that she is being prevented from spiritual growth; she remains just a domestic servant.
As far as reproducing children is concerned, man’s ejaculation is enough — so biology has no problem; but psychology has. Women are more irritable, nagging, bitchy, and the reason is that they have been deprived of something that is their birthright; and they don’t even know what it is. Only in Western societies has the younger generation become aware of the orgasm. And it is not coincidental that the younger generation has gone into the search for truth, for ecstasy — because orgasm is momentary, but it gives you a glimpse of the beyond.
Two things happen in orgasm: one is, mind stops the constant yakkety yak — it becomes for a moment no-mind; and second, time stops. That single moment of orgasmic joy is so immense and so fulfilling that it is equal to eternity. In the very early days man became aware that these are the two things which give you the greatest pleasure possible, as far as nature is concerned. And it was a simple and logical conclusion that if you can stop your chattering mind and become so silent that everything stops — time included — then you are free from sexuality. You need not depend on the other person, man or woman; you are capable of attaining this state of meditation alone. And orgasm cannot be more than momentary, but meditation can be spread over the whole twenty-four hours. A man like Gautam Buddha is living every moment of his life in orgasmic joy — it has nothing to do with sex.
Make your love a really festive affair, don’t make it a hit and run affair. Dance, sing, play music — and don’t let sex be cerebral. Cerebral sex is not authentic; sex should be spontaneous. Create the situation. Your bedroom should be a place as holy as a temple. In your bedroom don’t do anything else; sing and dance and play, and if love happens on its own, as a spontaneous thing, you will be immensely surprised that biology has given you a glimpse of meditation. And don’t be worried about the woman who is going crazy. She has to go crazy — her whole body is in a totally different space. She cannot remain in control; if she controls it she will remain like a corpse.
The most ancient treatise on love and sex is Vatsyayana’s Kamasutras, aphorisms about sex. It describes eighty-four postures for making love. And when the Christian missionaries came to the East, they were surprised to realize that they knew only one posture: man on top — because then man has more mobility, and the woman is lying like a corpse underneath him. Vatsyayana’s suggestion is very accurate, that the woman should be on top. The man on top is very uncultured; the woman is more fragile. But why men have chosen to be on the top is so that they can keep the woman under control. Crushed under the beast, beauty is bound to be under control. The woman is not even to open her eyes, because that is like a prostitute. She has to behave like a lady. This posture, man on top, is known in the East as the missionary posture.
A great revolution is ahead in the relationship between man and woman. There are institutes evolving around the world, in the advanced countries, where they teach you how to love. And in their teaching, the basic thing is foreplay and afterplay. Then love becomes such a sacred experience.
You should drop the fear of being intimate and totally losing control with a man. Let the idiot be afraid; if he wants to be afraid, that is his business. You should be authentic and true to yourself. You are lying to yourself, you are deceiving yourself, you are destroying yourself. What is the harm if the man freaks out and runs out of the room naked? Close the door! Let the whole neighbourhood know that this man is mad. But you need not control your possibility of having an orgasmic experience. The orgasmic experience is the experience of merging and melting, egolessness, mindlessness, timelessness. This may trigger your search for finding a way that, without any man, without any partner, you can drop the mind, you can drop time, and you can enter into orgasmic joy on your own. I call this authentic meditation.
So you have to stop going into hibernation, stop playing safe, and all your frustration will disappear. Why should you be worried about the man? Let him ask the question, “What am I supposed to do? This woman goes crazy, jumps on top of me, starts scratching my face… !” But here in my place, among my people, he cannot make much fuss about it. He has to accept it as a natural phenomenon. Otherwise simply meditate — who is telling him to make love to a woman? Women have not discovered meditation. Perhaps it was these freak-outs who discovered meditation to avoid the woman and all the problems, and just sit silently, doing nothing — and the spring comes, and the grass grows by itself. He can do that.