MOST OF THE TIME I FEEL SEXUAL AND MY EYES REMAIN SEEKING THE OTHER. AND ALSO I AM TOO MUCH IN THE MIND. AS FAR AS I UNDERSTAND MYSELF THESE THREE ARE MY BASIC PROBLEMS. I REMAIN COVERED IN THE CLOUDS OF THESE PROBLEMS SO THAT I CANNOT LISTEN TO YOU AS I SHOULD. PLEASE GUIDE ME.
These are not problems. You have made them problems. And once you look at a simple thing as a problem, it becomes a problem — not that it is. It is your look, your attitude.
“Most of the time I feel sexual and my eyes remain seeking the other.” So what is the problem in it? Where is the problem? It is as if a hungry man thinks of food and goes on looking for restaurants. What is wrong in it? Will you say that he is in a problem and he has to get out of it? He will die if he get out of his problem; he has to find food. Love is food, a very subtle food.
“Most of the time I feel sexual and my eyes remain seeking the other.” Natural. You are searching for food, and you are hungry. But people have taught you that sex is a problem. It is not. It is pure energy. It is divine. It has nothing like a problem in it. You can create a problem if you don’t accept the energy, if you don’t flow with it. And I know if you flow with it, one day you will transcend. You will go higher, you will ride on it and you will reach higher and higher. It is a beautiful energy, which can take you to the very ultimate, but if you make a problem of it, you will remain obsessed with it forever and forever. And the more you fight with it, the more sex and the sexual energy will fight back. It has to fight back, because it is survival energy.
You are made of sexual energy. If your father and mother had thought that it was a problem, you would not have been here. You are out of a problem; you exist because of a problem. Because your father and mother could not solve the problem, that’s why you are here.
This is my observation, that a person who thinks of sex as a problem can never be respectful to his parents. How can he be? Just look. It is simple arithmetic. How can you be respectful to your father? He was doing something nasty to your mother! In fact you would like to kill the guy immediately. And how can you respect your mother? She is also a sexual being, as any ordinary woman, just animalistic. How can you touch the feet of your mother? Impossible. Unless you accept your sex as a gift, a divine gift, you cannot respect your father and mother.
Gurdjieff used to say to his disciples — he had written it on his house — that unless you respect your father and mother, don’t enter here. Looks very ordinary. And a man like Gurdjieff could not find a better thing to write? “If you don’t respect your father and mother, don’t enter here” — but he has said many things in a simple way. Only a person who accepts sex energy totally can respect his father and mother. Otherwise you can pretend; you cannot respect.
And if you think sex is a problem, a disease, something to get rid of, will you be able to love your children? How can you love your children? They come out of a problem, out of a disease. You will hate them. You may pretend that you love them, but you know that they are actualizations of your problem. They will always indicate you as a sexual being. They will always go on as a proof in the world that you were animalistic, that you could not get beyond sex. They will be a proof, a permanent proof of your degradedness.
No, I would like to tell you, sex is not a problem. It is pure energy. And if you avoid it, then of course you will be continuously looking. Then it will become an obsession. Then you will be completely possessed by it and it will become a perversion. Then whatsoever you will see, you will see only sex in it, nothing else. And you can get so obsessed you can go mad.
Freud has said that out of one hundred people who go insane, at least ninety are certainly because of sex — repressed sex. Sex has to be understood, has to be creatively used. It is vital life, fire, alive. You are made of it, everybody is made of it. To avoid this, Christians have been trying to prove that Jesus came out of “Virgin” Mary — just to avoid how Jesus can come out of an ordinary sexual love affair. And they know that they have not been able to prove it.
We have never done that in India. We accept Buddha, Mahavir, Ram, Krishna, all being born out of sexual love affairs. We have never thought in terms that sex is animalistic. Even a Buddha is born out of it. We know that a lotus is very much different from the mud out of which it comes, but it comes out of the mud. The mud has to be respected; otherwise all lotuses will disappear. Yes, the water is muddy, but you have to live it, you have to go through it, you have to pass through it, to flower like a lotus on top of it, far away. Nobody can imagine that the lotus comes out of the dirty mud. It is a transformed form; it is a mutation.
This is the whole effort of Patanjali: to tell you that from the sex center to the sahasrar it is the same energy, moving through new transformations, at each center achieving a new vision, a new potentiality, a new wing — flowering, more and more petals. At the sex center there is a lotus — a four-petaled lotus, but a lotus. Maybe four-petaled, but still it is a lotus. At the sahasrar it becomes a thousand-petaled lotus, but still a lotus — a thousand-petaled, as if millions of suns and moons meeting. A great communion and synthesis of energy, but of the same energy. The same energy has come of age, has grown, flowered.
So the first thing I would like to say to you: please, don’t take sex as a problem. It is not. Otherwise it will become a problem.
If you try to avoid it in your life because of some stupid teachings that have been thrown at you and you have been conditioned for them, it will become a problem. It will haunt you. It will become almost a ghost, continuously with you and talking with you. It will become an inner talk; and you will be looking everywhere, everywhere with a deep dissatisfied being. You will almost become a beggar, begging and begging — and feeling guilty and feeling bad, almost like a criminal. Just because of an attitude. It seems that you have been influenced too much by religious people, by the church, by the temple, by the priest.
“Most of the time I feel sexual and my eyes remain seeking the other. And also I am too much in the mind.” You have to be then. Because if you fight with sex, where else will you go? Then the whole sex will become a mind thing. Then it will move into the head. Then you will think about it, fantasize about it, dream about it. And those dreams cannot be satisfying because no dream can be satisfying about food. You can go on fantasizing about food and being invited to the palaces of the kings, but that is not going to help. When you will be out of a dream you will again feel hungry, more so. After the dream you will feel more dissatisfied — and again and again, because you are avoiding an actuality, a reality of life, a fact, which has to be accepted, used, creatively transformed.
I know one day it is possible your energy will move in sahasrar but let it move as a mature energy. One day sex will simply disappear from your life; then you will not think about it. Then it will no longer be a fantasy to you. It will simply disappear. When you have achieved the higher orgasm of the same energy, the lower orgasms have no appeal. But up to then it is going to become a head thing.
And it is good if sex is in the genitals because that is the right place where it should be. If it is in the head, then you are in a mess. Gurdjieff used to say to his disciples that if each chakra functions where it should function, a man remains healthy. When chakras overlap and the natural locus is lost and energy moves in a haphazard way…. If you make windows in people’s heads, you will find their genital organs because sex has moved there; and of course if you are in a mess there is no wonder about it. It has to be so.
Bring your energy to the natural center, each energy to its place. Then it functions well. Then you can even hear the humming sound of the whole functioning of the organism. It is just like a beautifully functioning car. Hmm?… you drive and you can feel the humming sound surrounding you.
But when things go wrong, then of course you are topsy-turvy, upside down. Nothing is where it should be. Everything is missing from its natural center and is found somewhere, overlapping, hiding, escaping. You become a chaos. And this is what insanity is.
And now you ask me, “I remain covered in the clouds of these problems so that I cannot listen to you as I should. Please guide me.” You are not fed up with guides yet. They are your problem. And you are not fed up with “shoulds” yet. That’s your misery, the whole misery. Drop all “shoulds,” drop all guides. That’s the only guidance I can give to you. Just be totally alone, and listen to your Own inner voice. Trust life and nobody else. And life is beautiful, intrinsically valuable. And if you listen to anybody else, against life, then you will go astray.
So I call that man a real Master who helps to give back to you your inner voice. He does not give you his voice. He simply helps you to reclaim your own lost inner voice. He does not guide you; in fact by and by he takes all guides away from you so that you can become your guide and you can take your life in your own hands and you can become responsible.
This is irresponsibility, again and again asking somebody, “What should I do?”
And that’s why you feel continuously in trouble with me. You would like me to spoon-feed you, so you have not to do anything. I should do everything — the chewing and everything — and I should spoon-feed you. That I am not going to do, because that is what others have done, and destroyed you. I love you. I cannot do this. I tremendously love you; it is impossible for me to do that. I would like to make you responsible, to take charge of your life. When are you going to take charge of your life? You are not children. You are not helpless. This is how I am going to help you: to make yourself just yourself, to help you to move towards that direction which is your destiny.